On Letting Go - How to Change your Habits
Life is a journey filled with highs and lows, and it's natural to develop various coping skills to deal with its challenges. However, some coping skills and behaviors can be detrimental in the long run, preventing us from living our lives to the fullest. Letting go of negative coping skills and behaviors is a crucial step towards personal growth, emotional well-being, and a more positive outlook on life. While I hope you practice compassion for the fact that these coping skills developed out of need, we will work together below to help you break free from these negative patterns and skills that no longer serve you.
1. Self-Awareness: The First Step
The journey towards letting go of negative coping skills begins with self-awareness. Take the time to reflect on your behaviors, emotions, and triggers. Identify the negative coping mechanisms you rely on, whether it's overeating, excessive screen time, substance abuse, or avoidance. Understanding these patterns is essential to initiate change. At this stage, think of yourself as your favorite detective! You are simply observing yourself to be able to see where your patterns lie and what roadblocks seem to keep popping up over and over for you.
Reminder - There is no need for shame in these patterns! As I said above, each and every thing we do develops out of need. At one point in time, whatever this behavior is that you are trying to change, developed to help you get through something. Now, as you are trying to move forward, we are just going to be curious about what habits are impacting us. We are going to work to shed the habit that is no longer serving us, but first we have to identify it!
2. Cultivate Mindfulness
Mindfulness involves being present in the moment without judgment. Practicing mindfulness helps you observe your thoughts, emotions, and sensations objectively. By becoming more attuned to your internal experiences, you can recognize negative coping skills as they arise and choose healthier alternatives.
For example: Let’s say that one of your habits is excessive screen time. We would start with exploring what times of day do you tune into your phone. What apps or things are you engaging with. What are the feeling you are having while using your phone and what feelings do you have when you are not using your phone. We might even look at your bedtime routine. Do you find that once your phone is down and away for the night, that you struggle with falling asleep or racing thoughts? If so, could your phone be a way to tune out of what you are thinking and feeling? This could have developed to help you through a difficult household growing up, could be a result of undiagnosed ADHD, or a struggle with being present in the moment due to anxious thinking. Whatever the reason being mindful, and sitting with the behavior and asking yourself new questions will help you understand your patterns and begin the process of changing them.
3. Seek Professional Support
Breaking free from negative coping behaviors can be challenging, and it's perfectly okay to seek professional help. Therapists and counselors can provide insights, tools, and strategies tailored to your specific needs. Of course I am biased, but I genuienly believe counseling is key to help you change your patterns. If you are able to do step one and two by yourself - great! But the entire process is really difficult. It is very hard to look at yourself and try and look at your behaviors and progress towards goals without guilt, negative self talk, and the motivation required for long term change and success. This is a perfect time to ask for help! No one can do it all alone.
4. Replace with Positive Alternatives
To fill the void left by negative coping skills, introduce positive alternatives. Engage in activities that promote well-being, such as exercise, creative hobbies, journaling, or spending time with loved ones. These alternatives not only distract from negative thoughts but also contribute to your personal growth.
This is also a very helpful process to go through with a counselor. We can explore what have you been drawn to in childhood for hobbies. How is your social life - could you benefit from joining something? What do your boundaries look like with friends and family? Creating new coping skills can be a challenge and often time without proper support, this is when people fall back into old patterns, habits, or routines because even if they are not serving them, they are comfortable and well known.
5. Build a Supportive Network
Surround yourself with people who uplift and encourage you. A strong support network can provide a safe space to share your struggles, receive guidance, and remind you of your progress. Connecting with positive individuals helps reduce the likelihood of falling back into negative coping behaviors.
Building a community for yourself is so important! Especially one that is honoring your growth, your boundaries, and the journey you are on!
6. Practice Stress Management
Stress often triggers negative coping mechanisms. Learning effective stress management techniques, such as deep breathing, meditation, yoga, and progressive muscle relaxation, empowers you to handle stress in healthier ways.
This is also important so that you don’t fall back into old habits. When stress occurs we often subconsciously choose what we are used to. And without mindfulness, healthy support, and building new skills it is likely that old coping skills will pop back in during these times.
7. Challenge Negative Thoughts
Negative coping behaviors often stem from negative thought patterns. This is also a time to contact a counselor who can help you identify and work though irrational thoughts and ways to replace them with more rational and balanced thinking patterns. We all have negative thoughts and working with someone to help you see them and challenge them can be very beneficial in changing them and breaking the cycle of negative thoughts.
8. Set Realistic Goals
Setting and achieving realistic goals boosts self-esteem and provides a sense of purpose. Break down larger goals into smaller, manageable steps. Celebrate your achievements along the way, reinforcing positive behaviors. If you need help understanding how to break up goals into more manageable steps, you can explore this blog post that will walk you through the process!
9. Embrace Self-Care
Self-care is more than indulgence; it's about nourishing your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. Prioritize sleep, maintain a balanced diet, engage in activities you enjoy, and practice self-compassion. A well-cared-for body and mind are less likely to resort to negative coping skills.
10. Practice Patience and Persistence
Letting go of negative coping skills is a process that takes time. Be patient with yourself and acknowledge that setbacks are a part of the journey. Persistence is key—keep practicing positive alternatives, seeking support, and focusing on your growth.
Letting go of negative coping skills and behaviors opens the door to a brighter, more positive life. It's a journey of self-discovery, growth, and empowerment. By cultivating self-awareness, seeking support, and adopting positive alternatives, you can break free from harmful patterns and create a life filled with joy, resilience, and authentic well-being. Remember, every step you take towards letting go is a step towards a happier and healthier you.
